I'm so tired of writing about the same thing... I told a friend of mine last night i wish that God would just show me my next 5-year plan with everything i'm going to experience. I know that could be a scary thing, but in reality i'd just rather know. On top of all that I'm LONGING for Christ's return to be soon so i don't have to keep figuring this stuff out.
A person told me that there are two things God calls us to do to have a healthy and long life:
1) to judge one another in our Christian walk and mention when something isn't following His word
2) to honour your mother and father
hmmmm...lets think on that one! I know that we are called to keep others from stumbling, but isn't that a temptation to become too focused on the speck in someone else's eye while ignoring the plank in your own? secondly, as I recall Jesus was asked what the two GREATEST commandments are and he responded: To love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul; and to love your neighbour as yourself.
hmmmm...something isn't jiving here!!! I'm in the middle of the biggest tug-of-war of my life and i'm being thrown scripture after scripture from all sides. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK?!! here, my family is judging ruthlessly and i wonder if they would honestly appreciate someone looking into their lives with as much criticism. (where's the love in that?!) and isn't the saving people from stumbling only a command to save them from the sins leading up to death?!
i was dating a liberal and my family is conservative...maybe that alone was my biggest fault. In the past two years i have grown, i have been challenged, and i have learned to love.
but i have to ask myself, is my desire to be married stronger than my reasoning for WHO i marry?! that's a scary question to ask yourself, let me tell you. Things have changed and they will never be the same again. "I need, WIDE OPEN SPACES!!! Room to make the big mistakes, i need NEW FACES! to know the highest stakes"
i'm a freaking human yo-yo! anyone who truly knows Doug knows him to be direct and not sugar-coated; a solid christian who is constantly challenging himself in scripture and understanding. someone who is figuring out new ways to help youth understand where God is in their lives to fix the ROOTS of the problems and not focus on just the symptoms.
I lie in bed praying for clarity and i feel a sense that this is over for good, then i wake up to this battle waging war in my mind! I WANT THE ANSWERS!!!!!! anyone got them?!
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2 comments:
I think those two jobs your friend mentioned are wacky. We aren't supposed to judge people and yes, honor your parents but that's not what the gospel was about.
It makes me sad that you just long for Christ's return. This world was made for us for a reason. Not for us to just want to be in Heaven. No, it's not easy to be here but there's a reason we are here. The HS is in it all, walking with us and helping us through it. This world is a spiritual place and a beautiful place. It's mundane and hard but it's supposed to be.
There isn't a 5 year plan, there's no formula. You're a smart girl and God made you capable of making good choices. You WILL make a good decision.
I almost think he made the wrong decision by leaving you. That really wasn't up to you now was it?
I believe that you know what is right and what the best direction to take from here is. You and only you know your heart and it definately hurts when the heart and the head dont match up. I have been there, and it hurts like nothing hurts. I don't know the whole context but i do know that you want to do what God wants for you. I think that you need to do something for yourself for now. If you choose to be with this person and you feel peace with God about it, its a done deal, we are not here to please others, we are here to please God. That being said it is a nice feeling to have our parents and family on board of course, but sometimes they aren't the best sidekicks as they don't have the emotions and history with this person that we do. I know that you are trusting in God at this time and I also know he will pull you through which ever way that may be. I hope that you take time to realize that if you were this close with your boyfriend enough to say yes to an engagement, do you really think that going from that to nothing is the clearest path for you at this moment. It seems to me through your posts of the last year that he was most solid part of your life and that he brought you more joy, love and peace than any one else around you. just some thoughts from someone that isn't emotionally involved!
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