That's an order! I do this crap to myself. How do you not be with someone you love, who has been a standing part of your life for the past 2 years? Being with him isn't what kills me, it's knowing what's going on and yet having to live LIFE outside of "us". Any pining i do is now my own fault. Things are becoming more clear...and yet i still wonder.
To those of you who have commented, anonymously or friends, i love you! Sometimes the words of the unattached carry more weight because they can see a bit of the picture and bit more of who i am than even i do. I know you don't see the whole picture, and i'll admit, it's one-sided, but you give me hope when i'm ready to give up. God is using these small things to keep me going! Thank you for taking the time to comment. it speaks more than just your words. Hugz to you!
After meeting with Doug's "dad" (Al) I feel completely spent. Dont' get me wrong it was a fantastic meeting, but i'm worn out emotionally. My faith seems to be all i have that's a certainty anymore. I've decided to go away for a few days. Leave everything behind and just disappear. I hate being alone, but i really think God and i need some seriously undisturbed time together. I love it at River Run! I recommend it to everyone. Peaceful and beautiful. check out their website: http://www.riverruncottages.com/
No matter what happens, i need to move on in life! It's like Carrie Underwood's song says, "We've been left here, on this carnival ride. Some are born and in the same moment someone is taking their last breath." Time doesn't stop for sorrow, it speeds up in joy, and it slows in sadness, but never stops...and neither can i!
Thank you to everyone who has come beside me and supported me. I'd be lost without you!
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3 comments:
Oh honey I ache for you. And for me too. My heart aches sometimes still but still God shows me something new every day. Everything you write describes so accurately the roller coaster of emotions involved in breakups like these. Trying to live life outside of "us". So true. I find it the hardest to be somehwere together but not be TOGETHER. It kills me still. How are you so strong Stacy? People tell me I am strong but sometimes I feel the weakest of the weak. How are you so strong?
Just a disclaimer: the above comment was not pity. I don't know what it was, but pity isn't what I feel for you. Maybe sorrow is a better word but not in the "feeling sorry for you" way. I don't make any sense. Whatever.
I also thought of something else. last night I was readin through the journal I started after Justin and I broke up and near the beginning I wrote out the lyrics for the hymn "Be Still and Know" and that became my prayer as I was working through everything and it fit so perfectly. Near the beginning when I was so confused and searching for answers, God's command for me was just to "Be Still and know" and I spent a lot of time just resting in his embrace, clinging to the promise that he was sovereign. Then as time went on, he shifted my focus to the next verse and began promising "I am the Lord that healeth thee" and it was a promise that I tried to also cling to, although this one was harder because I had a hard time finishing the song with "In thee oh Lord I put my trust". I'm just getting to that part of my healing now. And it's still a struggle but because I have no where else to turn and no way of picking up the pieces of my heart that seem so shattered, I am having to say, over and over again, "yes. I believe"
Anyways, if that song can be of any comfort, like it has been for me, then take it and use it. And if not, then just ignore what I've said if it's not helpful. I love you.
Hey Stacy, I was here. Is that okay? Looks like you've been going through a lot. I won't pity you, but can I say that I'm sorry it's been so rough?
I'll be thinking of you.
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